


Still here

by imperfekti



Category: Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-23 22:56:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6133028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imperfekti/pseuds/imperfekti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The night before Tezuka leaves, Fuji stays awake to make the hours longer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Still here

**Author's Note:**

> Happy actual birthday, Fuji! I'm sorry I didn't write something happier.

There was no ticking of a clock to keep Fuji awake.

Tezuka might have been pretty old-fashioned in some aspects, but sometimes pragmatism went and won him over. Fuji smiled a little thinking about it.

The room was dark and the air in it cool. There was a sense of clarity in the quiet space, with most Tezuka’s belongings having been packed away into suitcases, waiting to board an airplane tomorrow together with their owner. Time was slowly passing by, now somewhere between the middle of the night and rising of the sun - Fuji felt better not knowing exactly, and avoided looking at the dim blue digits of the digital clock beside the futon.

The last few days had been a mix of too much and too little to do, at least for Fuji himself. At times Tezuka was simply too busy packing and seeing his relatives to say goodbye, leaving Fuji with little to do but keep thinking about how Tezuka would not be there anymore soon. And then there were the busy parts, like the team’s goodbye party, many times noisier than the guy himself ever was, or Fuji running around the city on errands to do little favours for Tezuka and his mother, doing last-minute shopping and such to help him prepare to move out of the country - bittersweet, but with less time or space to actually sink into it.

For the moment though, time felt unhurried again and Fuji was gradually sinking.

Leaning his head on an uplifted hand and looking at Tezuka, calmly asleep beside him, Fuji wondered if he was sleeping without dreams. He hoped he was. Not because of a kind hope for him to get a good rest before a taxing trip, but due to a wish to take as much space in his consciousness as he could himself during Tezuka’s last moments in Japan. Better if nothing else came up to demand his attention, be he awake or not.

Fuji didn’t have much hope for what would happen after Tezuka left. Not for long phone calls, nor letters, maybe not even that many thoughts left uncommunicated. Trying to think about it logically, it was not about him being abandoned, it was about Tezuka focusing on what was at hand.

Until now Fuji had been an addition, a parallel element with what Tezuka was focused on, and that was what had made being together possible in the first place.

He didn’t exactly feel bitter about that thought, maybe just a bit lonely. For a while now, he had thought Tezuka was someone who didn’t need anything added to him, nor was there a need to remove anything from him. Not really.

Still, even now that it was all too late, Fuji liked to imagine. What if they could stay together. What if Tezuka had asked him to go with him. What if he had suggested it himself, and could continue being an addition to his life.

Tezuka was a quiet sleeper and his family house in a peaceful neighbourhood, so there was barely anything to listen to tonight. His chest was rising and falling slowly, and Fuji’s eyes followed the subtle movement. He couldn’t really touch him now while he was sleeping, not wishing to wake him up. Fuji should have slept, too, but that would have made the morning come faster.

For now, all he could do was just look, and think.

Back when that was all there was to their relationship, due to their shared unawareness of each other’s feelings, daydreaming about him had been an everyday thing.

Thinking back on that time now while lying there beside him, Fuji had thought a lot about his body.

Of course, he was drawn by it. Thinking about what it would be like to touch it, to be touched by it. To be close to that entity that was usually only reserved for tennis and his responsibilities. What would it feel like and what kinds of new thoughts would it make him think and if it might change either Tezuka or himself in some way.

It wasn’t just sensual imaginary, though. He had dreamed about going to different places together. Maybe if they had been in the habit of talking a bit more Fuji’s thinking would have taken a different route - but they weren’t, so he had thought of places they could go and stay in and just, share the same space together, whether it would have been attending a tennis tournament in a new city, a school trip to wherever, climbing a mountain together somewhere. It wouldn’t have even mattered if other people had been there as well. He hadn’t exactly had the choice to be greedy back when all he had were those dreams.

Maybe it would have been a good idea to push it and learn to talk a bit more, earlier. Maybe it wouldn’t have taken so long for them to get together, and maybe they wouldn’t now be spending their last night together in silence. And maybe then Fuji could see something other than more of that silence in the future, where they would be separated by a distance so wide that it was a little scary to try to visualize in his head, with wide waters and mountains and countries and and innumerous people between them.

Fuji knew Tezuka wasn’t scared nor regretful to go. That much he had told him, when Fuji had asked him earlier that day. When it came to the team, he trusted everyone to keep doing well, relying on their own strengths and drive to achieve whatever goals they might set for themselves. As for himself, he meant to simply continue doing what he needed to in order to go forward, just like he had so far. 

After that conversation though, in the dead of the night after they had for the last time drawn each other as close as physically possible - very, very quietly so no-one could hear in the old house that Fuji had already grown accustomed to during the rare sleepovers under this or that excuse - Tezuka had said he would miss Fuji.

Eventually feeling a little tired from hanging onto those words without really knowing if they were keeping him afloat or pulling him down, Fuji carefully rested his head down close to Tezuka’s, breathing in the mild scent of his hair. When he closed his eyes, he kept reminding himself in his mind, ‘he is still here now, he is still here now’.


End file.
